Puns, Tears and Fake Boobs

Last night I treated myself to the season premiere of The Bachelor. I watched it with a friend (whose name shall remain hidden to protect the tasteless) and learned some valuable life lessons.

Here is a picture of the new bachelor.


Looking at this picture you are probably thinking, hmm...he's attractive in a really generic way. Too true! Sadly his personality is generic in not a particularly attractive way. Luckily he has really nice abs and is not afraid to constantly take his shirt off regardless off how inappropriate the situation is (and in preparing to meet the ladies the viewer got to join him in the shower...and i swear we were mere inches away from the first onscreen bachelor penis. curses!!!).

Anyway as a single gal this show is actually very informative about what men are interested in. I predicted almost none of the ladies he actually decided to keep on for the first round. Finally an answer to what men want - puns, tears and fake boobs.

The puns, oh my god, the puns. They came fast and furious. So much so that at times I became physically uncomfortable and had to cover my face and turn away from the screen. So the bachelor is a pilot, right? Therefore it was a 2 hour feast of clever wordplay including puns about being his "co-pilot", buckling up for a "bumpy ride" and worst of all, a perhaps too early invitation into one of the ladies "landing strips." The bachelor seemed to really enjoy the majority of these puns (with the sad exception of Ms. Landing Strip who was sent home).

Also, the tears. I would think crying with your overwhelming love for someone you have known for 1/2 an hour would be off putting. Perhaps a sign of being overly needy and emotionally unsteady? Nope, it turns out the bachelor digs that shit as well and the crier stayed.

Finally, boobs. So many big fake boobs hanging out all over the place (one pair particularly far apart and tragic looking). I have never seen so much intense cleavage in my life. I came away from the experience slightly traumatized. I think I need to go another couple of weeks before seeing breasts, I even had to close my eyes when I took a shower today to avoid my own.

Anyway, I will sadly be watching this train wreck again and should it continue to instruct me I may post about it.

On a final note, I had a lovely work out today (and still am pretty much on the diet), and am interested in learning how to run. I will most likely be starting out on a treadmill before I hit the great outdoors. [Here is the section of my blog where I pretend people read it] Does anyone have any tips, ideas or resources for this? Like some sort of plan where I start walking and work up to being able to run? I'm sort of intimidated by the entire process including the treadmill itself which seems like it could be some sort of deathtrap, just waiting for me to trip, fall and die. But I'm also excited, so let me know.