Giddy!!!!!!!!

I adopted my delightful cats in the summer of 2006. Despite the thousands of dollars they've cost me in destroyed furniture and rebuilt ceilings and the heartache they caused when they clawed through my screen with their razor sharp claws and escaped, I have only had one regret about adopting them. The morning I was scheduled to pick them up in Gresham I decided to kill a little time by watching T.V. I turned on my favorite channel, Lifetime for Women, and watched the best ten minutes of television I have ever seen.

The movie was entitled Cyber Seduction. My info guide told me it was about a boy who discovered online porn, become hopelessly addicted and his life was ruined. It sounded amazing, and it was. The movie begins showing his initial discovery of online porn. This posed a problem for Lifetime. How were they going to show porn? Their solution was brilliant. Instead of porn, the young hero was looking at pictures of girls in short skirts, topless with their breasts almost entirely covered by large digital stars. So instead of porn, he actually becomes addicted to staring at bare stomachs and the outside of the boob (but the viewer knows he is HOOKED by the way that he sensually massages the breasts of the women on his computer screen with his mouse arrow).

Sadly, this was the only part of the film I was able to see as I had to leave for Gresham. For the past 3 1/2 years I have been faithfully searching Lifetime to find when they were going to re-air this movie. Sadly they never did. However, today I was scrolling through the Comcast free on demand movies and came across this option...




I literally squealed with excitement. OMG!!! I have managed thus far to restrain myself from watching it. A movie like this, one that I've waited so long for, deserves to be savored. So tomorrow I shall enjoy it with a glass of Maker's on the rocks from my delightful secret santa gift.




And then I will report back to let you know how one young boy goes from peeking at part of a boob online to falling apart in the throes of hopeless addiction.

I Was Born With Glitter on My Face

Well I have just returned from day 5 of working out this week, meaning I officially made my goal. However I may go tomorrow as well. I have discovered that working out more than once every six months means that each trip to the gym isn't actually a completely impossible physical and emotional challenge.

Another thing, I discovered is that women of a certain age linger naked in the locker rooms. I have seen a lot of senior citizen nudity this week. It isn't that I'm unaware that there is a bit of nudity while changing (except for me as I'm a never-nude), but why do they have to hang out naked for so long? Where is the healthy sense of body shame? Two disturbing things I witnessed this week: a woman came out of the toilet stalls naked, which is gross, right? Another older woman, naked as the day is long, standing by the mirrors near the sink where you wash your hands, one foot on the ground and the other on the counter, perhaps using the hand dryer to dry her private lady area? I don't know, but it scarred me.

In happier news, I am really enjoying my new Adam Lambert album. My first couple of listens I felt a little "meh" about it. However, in the past two days I have dedicated two work outs and one dog walking session to it and am really starting to enjoy it. My initial favorites are "Strut" and "Fever" ("Fever" being especially ZOMG awesome!!!). I recommend these songs for anyone looking to make an ultimate gay/pop/dance/workout mix.


My favorite lyrics so far go a little something like this "Born with glitter on my face/my baby clothes made of leather and lace/all the girls at the club want to know/ where did all of their pretty boys go?" GENIUS.

For my next post I will return to the topic of Jamaica exploring the important issues of glass bottom jacuzzis and conch salads.

Jamaica

A couple of weeks ago I spent 8 days in Jamaica with my sister-in-law Edi. I am going to do a few posts with some pictures from the trip. Jamaica is beautiful. It has amazing white sand beaches, light blue water and perfect weather. It is also filled with men who want to either sell you something, marry you, rape you, or some delightful combination therein. On to the pictures:


This was on the wall of the first restaurant Edi and I ate at in Jamaica. We had fried chicken and curried goat. They were recommended by the hostess in between eating her own chicken and spitting out the bones.


Edi and I ate the above mentioned first meal drinking the first of many, many Red Stripes and still greasy from over 24 hours of travel.


And here is a view of the sunset the first night on the beach outside of our hotel room.

Ok, just 500 pictures and 7 days left. I might need to make a few more Jamaica themed posts.

CATS

These are my cats. Torque is the lighter colored slightly more zaftig cat on the left. Joe is the orangier more neurotic cat on the right. Their hobbies are eating, sleeping, making biscuits, loving, fighting and trying desperately to get out of my house and leave me. But I'm onto those little assholes, and it isn't going to happen.

3 More Things

1. This is my favorite thing on the internet today. I got it from Wonkette. Please waste some time reading the comments, as they truly are a delight.

2. There have been days and days without any attorney jobs posted on craigslist. Am open to other fields. Suggestions?

3. Thanks Rose!

Self-Improvement

I have decided while in my period of unemployment to dedicate some time to improving myself both physically and intellectually. To this end I intend to work out at least 5 days a week, finish reading Nixonland, and start listening to more pop music.

The working out is going well. Once I go to the gym today I will have gone 4 times this week so far. This means I have gone to the gym more this week than in the previous 12 months combined. Scary, but true.

Nixonland is a 1000 page tome and it is dense as hell. However, I have seen it named on several of the best books of the decade lists and it is about my favorite period in American politics. I decided I would rededicate myself to reading it this morning while waiting for Ula to get some oral surgery done at the dentist's office. I managed to finish about 4 pages of the book as I was distracted by the fact that I just downloaded gmail on my phone and can now email people animal pictures. Emailing on my phone? A success. Reading an important book? Not a success.

However, I am feeling much more accomplished in the world of listening to more pop music. I now actually know what the pop radio stations are in Portland and have them programmed in my car. I have purchased the Adam Lambert album (I love the gays. Plus he had me at simulated fellatio). I anticipate having the Lady Gaga album in a few days and am considering buying the best of Britney Spears collection. Now all I need are some teenage gay boys to hang out with and talk music.

Another goal I intend to meet today is figuring out how to put pictures on this blog (I shall do this once Ula wakes up from her drug induced slumber and teaches me how to work the internet). Then I can start posting some awesome animal and Jamaica trip pictures.

Finally, I would like to thank Suji for an awesome dinner last night and teaching me so much about tolerance. I always thought I was too closed minded to be friends with someone who dislikes "Glee" but actually loves the TV show "Friends", movies starring The Rock and is considering going to see the latest Sandra Bullock movie. You have taught me how to celebrate difference.

Maiden Voyage

At the moment I am a bit underemployed which leaves me with much time, and little money. In order to entertain myself I have decided to start a blog dedicated to erotic fan fiction detailing relationships between various members of the Obama White House staff. Check in later for a steamy encounter between Hillary Clinton and Rahm Emanuel! However if the whole fiction angle doesn't work out for me this blog will be dedicated to the exciting things I do during the day while the rest of the world is gainfully employed. This means of course recipes and food pictures, complaints about the lack of available jobs, updates on the hours of crap I watch on T.V. each day and of course an obscene amount of cat pictures (once I figure out how to upload pictures). Enjoy!